We tried so hard for feelings
That were more than simple lust,
Ran our fingers through the sheets
In a hunt for hope and trust.
But a life cannot be built
On tangles in the dark,
When come the morning sunrise,
Clouds of reality dull its spark.
Skin, warm against the bed sheets,
But cold to your touch;
Our fingertips feel everything,
But the heart feels nothing much.
→ livingthroughlines 2016.
This was a poem I wrote for my mum last year for Mother’s Day when I was still away at University in my final year. I think this was truly the first occasion that I sat down and really took the time to appreciate everything I’d taken for granted throughout my childhood and teenage years.
There are endless thank yous
For the last twenty one years;
For teaching me to grow;
Calming me during tears.
You have always been a rock –
Remaining strong when I break,
And yet a warming comfort
When I’ve had all I can take.
My teacher and my carer;
My security and my friend;
You were everything you had to be
With no means to an end.
I treasure your opinion
Beyond any single other.
No one’s words have impact
The way you can as my mother.
Forget the times I moaned
About the places you would take me,
I was too young to realise
How much of it would make me.
Forever, I am grateful
For all the things I’ve seen –
The experiences, the memories,
The life that’s already been.
The freedom, yet support
The advice without dictating;
You struck a perfect balance,
Giving, yet no taking.
You have always supported me
And taught me that I ‘can’,
It’s all of your qualities
That have made me who I am.
No one has ever taught you
How to be the mum you are,
You’ve managed it all by yourself
And that’s the amazing part.
If I amount to anything,
It would be to be like you –
To craft such perfect motherhood
Would be an incredible thing to do.
So for all the times I fought
Against what you had to say,
Please know now that I’m thankful
For your input every day.
You always told me ‘one day’
When I had eventually grew,
That I’d be grateful for your effort
And I’d love you for it too.
Now, at twenty-one years old
That is absolutely true;
I can never really repay you
For all you’ve done and you still do.
My love is unconditional,
Infinite and with no end.
I’ll be there for you,
As you have been for me
Forever, my best friend.
A little something I wrote in 2014 that I think is great food for thought for us all.
Think of your life
As four plain, white walls;
You are the artist,
You are designing them all.
One of the walls
Is your life so far;
In permanent paint
Are you happy with your art?
Take your second chance
With wall number two,
Pick up the brush,
Design the next part of you
But, just remember,
You’re now halfway through;
Two walls are filled
And there’s nothing you can do.
So just consider,
As you paint on your ways,
How many of these
Would be regretted days?
Two walls left,
Just think it through.
You, the artist
Control the picture of you.
→ livingthroughlines 2016.
Envious of the active.
My body felt worn by you.
Weak, powerless, exhausted by your weight.
You would have outstayed your welcome
Had I given you the chance,
But you underestimated me;
You did not know my desire for success.
Though the days were dampened
And my friendships stretched,
I refused to let you win.
Mentality prevailed through your physical strain.
I chipped away at the prison walls
You had built around me
Until I could finally see light,
Step out of this fragile shell.
→ livingthroughlines 2016.
Standing tall.
Underrated elegance,
Understated greatness.
In the summer,
You shine with honour;
On winter days,
Frost coats your exterior.
Bustling with bodies,
Buzzing with knowledge;
A hum of youth settles,
Masking your growing age.
I wish that I could find you
When you don’t know where you are
And I wish I could explain it all
Without you forgetting each part.
I pray the days get better
Though now they just simply fade,
I hope sometimes you’ll remember
What we did earlier that day.
It’s hard to watch you cry
and know you don’t understand,
and even harder to laugh it off,
make it ok and hold your hand.
And if that hard day comes,
when you can’t remember my name,
I still am not a stranger
And i’ll love you all the same.
So take my hand right here
And hold onto me tight,
Tell me all that you remember
From memories of each day and night.
I’ll forgive you for cursing,
for your anger and your words,
because I know this isn’t you
that everything feels strange and absurd.
I want to say I’m sorry,
that this had to happen so soon
no one ever deserves this,
and most certainly not you.
But one thing, please remember
As everything else finally fades,
We love you and we always will
Beyond your final days.
→ livingthroughlines 2016.
It begins to consume.
From one small thought, the ignition of fire.
The brain burns, flares up in panic,
Clouded in smoke, thoughts lose their path.
For the mind can no longer see sense
And without sense, problems multiply.
Invisible hands tighten around the throat,
Breathes shortened, panicked,
The stomach, abruptly poisoned with worry
Churns, twists, sickens
From one small thought, the wild hysteria.
→livingthroughlines 2016.
The air warm, the sky blue.
The window separating me and the world
Does not hide the beauty I cannot reach.
And so I sit,
Yesterday’s clothes, today’s tired eyes.
One hand grasping at cold coffee
As my brain absorbs the electronic screen.
→ livingthroughlines 2016.
livingthroughlines 